“National Letter of Intent” as seen in the Honolulu Advertiser

A letter I wrote to the Honolulu Advertiser got printed yesterday. It can be viewed here.
If I think something might have a chance to get published, I tone it down and usually cut it short. The thing I love about getting published is that my letters that are printed have all my grammatical errors fixed. It’s awesome. I am such a dumbshit when it comes to writing. I’m finally getting the feel of the semi colon thanks to the Advertiser. I am the King of the run on sentences and comma splicing. I’m still trying to figure it out.

I remember I used to yell “Fags!” to all the guys while they sat in their typing classes. I now wish I would have joined them; not to discuss show tunes, but to learn how to type. I am a two fingered pecker typer. Andy Rooney too you know? Typer is not a word, yes. Is there a dash between two and fingered? Anyway nerds, don’t get to cocky, Stand Down! Remember, I’ve had sex with waaay hotter girls than any of you ever will, regardless of how rich you get.

I would have added a few things like this:

The local news showed every Tom and Harry, and yes; a few Dick’s were at this Press Conference too, Even the Mayor was there. One of our local prep gridiron greats got a full ride to Idaho. WTF? Yeah I know the Scotty Pippen story, the Terrell Davis story. But for every story like that there is a Timmy Chang story. I am sure prior to the NFL Timmy was celebrated much more than those guys. What are we setting these kids up for? How high are their expectations.

For the same reason, I didn’t wear a Tux (I was the only one in a suit) or hire a limousine for my senior prom. I suggest we cool it on these kids. What’s next, press conferences after the Pop Warner season for kids to announce which high school they plan to go to? If you go overboard in the beginning, where do you go from there?

Mark Ida


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